Give the Gift of Love – as December 25th approaches, I can’t help but reflect on warm memories from holidays long gone, and encourage you to reach out to those around you regardless of whether or not they celebrate Christmas. It’s a time when everyone can give love!

Listen to S3 Mini Episode 15 and join  me as I reminisce about my favorite holiday and what the season is about. I hope you’ll be inspired to give the greatest gift, which is the gift of connection, the gift of LOVE. 

Wishing you a wonderful, safe and happy holiday filled with love and joy.

Was it my two front teeth?

What do you want this time of year?  This time of the year makes me think of the song, “All I Want for Christmas…”  Do you still have your two front teeth?  I am lucky enough, at the  age of 69, still to have mine.  They stand there like mini enamel tombstones, ready to sparkle my smile or bite into an ear of corn. I am grateful to have my reliable chompers.

What do I really want for Christmas?  What do you want?  For Chanukah or whichever holiday you celebrate?  I bet what you want is what every adult wants: peace, love, harmony.  Paid bills.  Good health.  Boundless joy everywhere we look.

We have a new dog, since our beloved Ziggy died six months ago.  Our new dog, Max, embodies boundless joy.  He’s a rescue dog, picked up off of a dirt road in Alabama.  They told us he was just about dead when they found him. They described him as a starving puppy with cuts on his paws and ears, and emaciated.  Must have weighed 10 pounds if that.  They fed him and treated his wounds and transported him up to Massachusetts where he went to a foster home for a while to get healthy.  That’s when we met him.

He was about six weeks old then and weighed about 25 pounds. Fortunately, he had filled out from the emaciated pup on death’s door and had become the beginning of the full-blown personality we know today.

Today? Max, Maximus, Maximillion weighs around 70 pounds, looks for all the world like Scooby Doo, and is all legs and paws and mouth and 100% heart.

Meet Max

He’s a beautiful, big, brown loping dog who bounds into a room like a crashing wave.  If there’s a gate across the doorway, which we put up when he was smaller, now he simply leaps over it.  Once in the room he jumps into whosever lap he sees first and immediately starts to lick that person. Or he’ll take the person’s arm into his mouth, not to bite, but to massage the arm with his large, white teeth.

His size and smooth brown coat makes me think he might be part Great Dane or Dobermann or maybe a bit of Boxer.  We’re going to send in a dog DNA test to find out for sure.  Who knows what that will bring back!  Maybe a trace of Chihuahua just to mess us up.

This boy is a true beauty.  But he is still just a puppy, growing and quite out of control, despite our attempts with obedience classes and such.  He loves to chew…everything.  His favorites are shoes, hats, scarves, pillows, blankets, doormats, boxes, wallets, credit cards, and whatever he can snatch off of the kitchen counter.  We love it, of course, when he will agree to chew one of the many chew toys we’ve bought for him.

Boundless Joy

But his greatest, most unavoidable quality is indeed his boundless joy.  Max bounds.  Boundlessly.  Everywhere he goes, he bounds.  Tail wagging, big brown eyes looking up ready to engage, paw ready to lift to shake, You can see the energy Max exudes in this video.

Max makes his rounds of our four story (including basement) house, until sleeping at night in our son Jack’s room. Jack, his official owner, picked him out, along with our other son Tucker.  Sue, my wife, cautioned them against a big dog, to no avail, and now, although she calls Max such a bad dog when he chews her favorite shoe, she loves him as much as all of us do.  It is impossible not to love Max, as bad as he can be.

Boundless joy delivered by a being who destroys your favorite shoe, poops in middle of your living room floor, jumps up onto your guest’s lap, and wolfs down your dinner from the very plate you were about to eat it off of.  Isn’t this the secret to finding the best in life?

That’s what I want for Christmas.  Even more than my two front teeth, I want Max.  Max.  Maximus.  And all that Max brings with him.

May your holidays be filled with Maxes of your own.  Thank the Lord for Max and whoever bent over on that dirt road in Alabama to pick up that half dead pup who’s come to bring us joy.

Do you have difficulty learning?  Learn how to “Uncover Your Learning Style,” with Dr. Hallowell and Jessica McCabe. In this episode, they  discuss what helped them learn.  Dr. Hallowell  used flashcards to get him through medical school. Jessica learns better when she walks around while she’s reading. Do you know how you learn best?

In this special episode sponsored by Landmark College, Dr. Hallowell and the How to ADHD creator talk about the importance of listening to yourself to discover your unique learning style, and how that knowledge can help you achieve success in high school, college and beyond.  LISTEN NOW!

Fear of Feedback by Rebecca Shafir, M.A.CCC Personal Development and Executive Functioning coach at the Hallowell Center MetroWest

Q: We have a very sensitive engineer who is key to our startup. My partner and I have to be very careful how we phrase anything regarding his work. I’m not even talking about constructive criticism. It might be something said in passing. While we try very hard not to say anything that could be misconstrued, you never know what is going to be misinterpreted. So, how do you suggest dealing with this employee?

For many, fear of feedback (including compliments) is a problem. Probably, the most common reason for someone to be this sensitive is that in their past they were severely and frequently criticized. For that reason, even the mildest suggestion is painful. They may express this fear of feedback in several self-sabotaging ways: denial, procrastination, rigidity, avoidance, jealousy, brooding etc. It’s extremely self-limiting burden to bear, personally and professionally. Any slight suggestion is interpreted as failure or rejection. An extreme fear of feedback is a condition called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and improved only with medication.

Things You Can Do

First of all, your employee’s sensitivity to feedback may require some outside coaching or some clinical help. However,  here are things you can do:

1) Increase trust. Schedule a short coffee break with him a couple times a week to talk about his interests or how the startup is moving along. Point out general areas of improvement that are needed within your startup (marketing, beta testing, quality control etc.)  Share the remedial steps that others had to take.

2) Get his perspective on ways to make the company better, and how to implement those improvements. Let him know you appreciate the perspective sharing. This is a good way to model how positively feedback can be received and put to work.

3) Then, I would gradually point out a change that he needs to make in order to make the company better and possibly to incentivize him. Use numbers and benchmarks. Avoid making any direct attacks on his performance; keep it more “big picture.” Break it down the change into do-able steps with opportunities for regular updates.

4) Verbally reinforce any progress made toward change.

If that fails, coaching is a good next step. As a coach, I would help him identify the emotion behind his reaction, and help him re-frame the criticism to loosen the grip of the negative association. Next, I would help him approach the needed change by breaking down the task to small, satisfying and manageable chunks. In my experience, this results in decreasing the fear of feedback, and in most cases, creating a healthier attitude around feedback.

If the fear of feedback prevents you from advancing in your career and in your relationships, let’s have a talk. Contact me at Rebecca@MindfulCommunication.com. 

If you’re experience Shame, read this blog post on ADHD and Shame.

Crazy Busy? 3 Steps to Take Back Control

Technological innovation has changed our world more profoundly than anything since Johannes Gutenberg invented the printing press.  This change has brought both spectacular progress and devilishly complex problems.  New patterns of behavior are now epidemic a person checks their iPhone, email and texts at least once every 90 seconds. Then they wonder why people complain they can never get your full attention. As a result, we are:

• increasingly wrestling with the issue of what to do about what’s happening and
• how to cope in a distracted, disconnected world.

Is your life is feeling a little too hectic these days? Then it’s time to un-busy yourself. In Distraction S3 Mini 12, I share 3 easy ways to feel less busy and regain control of your day.

LISTEN NOW and learn how to combat the feeling of busyness and get in a state of flow.

If you need more tips on taking control of your time, try my CrazyBusy iPhone App for FREE. It will give you a high “worth-it” factor by providing you with possibly life-changing data that you have never looked at before.

Learn more tips in: CrazyBusy: overstretched, overbooked, and about to snap! : strategies for handling your fast-paced life.

The time is coming to give thanks.  Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays.  I’m a holiday-lover, so there’s a lot of competition, but Thanksgiving always ranks near the top for me.

Let me give you a bullet-point list what I’m thankful for.  In no way is this complete.  I’m offering simply to prompt you all to do the same.

• the freedom to change the station when the Kars for kids ad comes on
• the slick look of pavement when it rains
• Christmas season in New York City (I know this is a cliche, but I love it so)
• the sausage gravy my wife makes every Christmas morning
• my wife, Sue (ok, another cliche, but if you knew her and all the she puts up with…)
• of course, our 3 kids, now 29, 26, 23
• our new dog, Max, 3 months old, 80 pounds, a rescue mutt from Alabama; he is systematically destroying our house but we love him to pieces anyway
• Mozart’s Jupiter symphony
• Tom Friedman and David Brooks columns in the NY Times (ok, so I am a liberal, I hope that’s all right)
• That I am turning 69 and coming out with a new book with John Ratey in 2019
• hot dogs with lots of mustard
• and sauerkraut
• taramasalata (it’s a Greek spread…. to die for)
• the salt air when you cross over onto Cape Cod
• NAMI
• button-down collar shirts (I’m a preppy)
• lying in bed, watching TV with Sue late at night
• the fact that I can still play squash a little bit
• all of you who read this newsletter!

…. what are your favorite things?

Dr. Hallowell’s 2018 Distraction S3 Mini 11 Thanksgiving message. 

It was my pleasure to welcome Kristin Seymour back to Distraction to discuss ADHD and Productivity. Kristin knows firsthand how tough it is to have be productive when you have ADHD. Not only does she have ADHD, but Kristin is the mom of two ADHD teens, and she’s also an ADHD specialist. In S3 Ep 9, she shares more of her “life hacks” along with some special advice for parents of ADHD kids.

LISTEN NOW to Kristin’s sage advice on ADHD and productivity. You’ll learn how to achieve productivity in the midst of chaos.

ADHD and Time Management – What is in your time bank account?

We are all too familiar with this the term. If you are suffering with time management just recently or if it has been an issue for years, I am going to ask you to look at time through a new lens. We all have the same amount of time per day in our “time bank account. Twenty-four hours every day. Simple. What are some of the common “time overdraft” traits that are encountered? How does time management affect your ADHD and productivity? Click HERE to learn more. 

Are you a procrastinator?

If you’re a procrastinator, click here to learn if your procrastination style is working for you.

Reflecting on the recent news events in the United States, reminds me why connections are critical. Which is why I encourage you to make it a point to rediscover the goodness in people. It is time to get to know each other again, especially people who disagree with us.

Since connections are critical, I address the importance of connections in my Distraction Podcast, S3 Mini 8. So please take a few minutes and LISTEN HERE to  learn why connections are important.

Perhaps you’ll be inspired to reach out, start a dialogue, listen and try to understand another’s point of view. Remember understanding doesn’t mean you have to agree.

Let’s recognize that most people are good people, that most people will do you a favor, that most people want the same things in life for themselves and their families that you do, and that most people will make sacrifices for the common good.

“Connection is like the keys in the ignition. The keys are there, waiting to be taken. We only have to reach in.”

What to know more about harnessing the power of connections? Click HERE!

KUOW interviewed Dr. Hallowell and Lesley Todaro, Hallowell Todaro Center, about erasing the stigma around the word “crazy,” the relationship between ADHD and creativity, and talking to kids about ADHD.

“Most people who have exceptional talent have one or another of the conditions we diagnosis, whether it’s anxiety disorder, ADHD, dyslexia, major depression, substance abuse,” says Hallowell. “It’s rare to find someone who has major talent who doesn’t wrestle with one or another of those conditions.”

CLICK HERE to read more and listen to KUOW’s interview on “Why Ned Hallowell wants to celebrate craziness.”

If you miss ADDitude’s online webinar “From Shame and Stigma to Pride and Truth: It’s Time to Celebrate ADHD Differences,” with  ADHD experts Dr. Hallowell and Dr. Dodson, no worries. Thanks to ADDitude, you can LISTEN HERE and learn how to celebrate your ADHD.

Have you ever felt sad and not sure what to do? Dr. Hallowell shares his moment of entering sadness in this blog post.

Dr. Hallowell shares his thoughts on the current state of ADHD / ADD, Treatment and Advances, etc. in S3 Mini 6: The Future of ADHD is VAST (SM). This 5 minute episode will have you thinking about ADHD in a whole new way!

VAST (SM) stands for Variable Attention Stimulus Trait

October is ADHD Awareness Month. Learn more: